i have crippling stage fright, performance anxiety, nervousness, whatever you want to call it. there are too many triggers for me to count, but suffice it to say, public speaking is a big one, but so is talking to anyone where i may perceive myself as being in a vulnerable position.
i hate it so much. i didn’t always have this problem, but i don’t really know when, how or why it started either.
it has manifested itself a few times lately and i feel like such a tool because of it. after the fact, upon reflection, there was never cause for this kind of reaction on my part, but in the moment my mind races, my heart feels like its going to pound out of my chest, i turn flush, i get sweaty, i panic and forget everything i wanted to say and everything kind of just shuts down. it’s all completely involuntary.
last night i went to a company event where a handful of employees were tasked with presenting certain things. as i watched, i noticed one guy in particular who clearly suffers the very same affliction. he was visibly uncomfortable, stammering his words, repeating himself, getting lost. i could see the sweat forming on his forehead and his face turn red as he was presenting, or trying his best to. all things considered, i think he did a great job, but his very visible reaction stuck with me. is that how others perceive me too? i don’t like that at all…
in doing some cursory research on the topic, i don’t believe there is any magic bullet here other than exposure, practice, and just pushing your way through it. that sounds terrible… i do need to get over this though, for a lot of reasons.