halfway

you just couldn’t fucking leave it, could you? push push push. do you feel better now? i told you i didn’t want to talk about it, i told you to leave it alone, but no, that wasn’t going to fly, was it? you needed to keep bending the stick until it snapped.

so now you know. feel better?

you were so worried i was feeling resentful, do you not see how what you did just now only makes me MORE resentful?

and you know what, this is EXACTLY one of the reasons i didn’t want to talk about it, now you’re hyper focused on trying to solve my problem for me. you’re obsessed with being the one who has the solution. you’re questioning and doubting everything i have done like it is not fucking good enough and isn’t what you would do. you’re trying to impose your (failed) solutions on me like they are some kind of magic god damn miracle cure all. this is not YOUR problem. i don’t want YOUR solutions. i’m not stupid, i know of course this affects you greatly, i am not blind to that, but it’s not something YOU can fix. hell, at this point i don’t even know if it is fixable at all, at least in the way you are expecting anyhow.

argh! i can’t wait for the next few days and weeks where you are walking on eggshells around me for no good reason and then ultimately demand some kind of progress report. fuck off. stop trying to parent me. i’m trying. i am putting in more effort than you know.

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