i feel a little broken today. things are not going how i had hoped they would.
how could you say that to me? how did you think i would react? what did you expect would come of that? nothing good for sure. so why?
i’m fucking trying to keep things together, but it’s not easy. i am fucking trying to spare everyone’s feelings as much as possible at the expense of my own. i’m fucking trying to be clear, concise and consistent with everything i say and do to make things easier for you.
and yes, the irony of me saying this whilst also being in the very center of a most selfish act on my part is palpable. i get that.
i wish you could see. i wish you could understand. i wish you could appreciate, even if only slightly, the effort that i am putting towards this none the less.
have i mistaken you for someone you are not? have i totally misunderstood your previous words? have i completely miscalculated everything?
perhaps i do need to be more selfish? perhaps i do need to put me first? why should i put so much thought and consideration into how you feel when the reciprocity is not quite there?
or maybe today is just a bad fucking day and i am overthinking everything.