this will be my last update for a while on this. not because i don’t have thoughts or opinions, not because i am stopping or cancelling it, but because i think i need more time to really develop my thoughts on this and witness some form of material improvement over time… updating weekly i don’t think will be doing anyone justice.
so where do i stand on whether this is worthwhile after today’s appointment? still undecided.
so much of this has me rolling my eyes at myself asking if i am serious right now. i mean, i’m an avid consumer of tv and movies and protagonists in therapy is certainly an overused trope in just about any modern story. so i am not unfamiliar with at least the hollywood interpretation of how this goes. the conversations are surprisingly predictable in the sense that these are all conversations i have had with myself or here with you, nameless, faceless internet, over and over again. so yes, i roll my eyes. and yes i am asking myself how i can take this seriously. and i think that may be part of the problem to be honest. if i was able to unfuck myself on my own, i guess i probably would have done it by now, right?
i guess sometimes things are done certain ways for a reason (i know, what a shocking revelation, right?), as trivial or trite as it may seem, literally just talking to someone who i don’t know and have no fear of saying something which may hurt their feelings, or give them the wrong impression, or change the way they see me is kind of freeing. so i am going to give it a go for a while and see what happens.