i’m struggling to even put words down this morning.
through out the day yesterday and into last night i felt like i was in a sort of trance. going through the motions of daily responsibilities, not outwardly showing anything other than my normal self, but inside my head, things were anything but calm, cool and collected.
i was asked recently “what is it you actually want to happen?”, which of course sounds like an easy question to answer, right? the problem is, it really isn’t. and the more i dwell on it, the more complicated and unreachable the answer becomes.
the truth is, at least i think, i don’t really know what i want to happen. i feel like i’ve painted myself into a corner and what i want to happen is just no longer an important consideration. it’s a lose/lose proposition where it’s no longer about what i want, but what am i prepared to give up? what can i afford to give up?