the first night was confusion, sadness. that was hard. but last night was sadness and anger. last night was laying blame and directing it on me. last night was about justifying your own behavior so that you can be the innocent victim. last night took my heart and ground it into the dirt. i know it is only going to get worse, but i have not become numb yet, so this is still so very difficult.
i have to maintain my composure, i can’t give in to this conflict. i have to do everything in my power to make sure this is amicable, that this ends on good terms. it’s important.
i will not go to war, i will not use my children as weapons, i will not lay blame or vilify anyone. i will be the bad guy if that’s what you need me to be. i will listen to you tell me how awful of a person i am and not argue. i will take it in when you tell me i am destroying everything and that i am being selfish so that you feel blameless. i will not fight back. i know you’re angry. i understand. i’m sorry that you’re angry. i would like to promise you that it will all be ok, but i don’t know that it will be. in the meantime, you can hate me if it makes you feel better. i owe you that much.