today was spent visiting potential houses that k could purchase. she asked me to go with her as support and another set of eyes. i agreed, but didn’t really think it would be this taxing to be honest. i am burnt out, worn down, exhausted in just about every way.
this morning k was following me from room to room, just making excuses to be there. i go to the living room, she follows and sits on the couch to read. i go to the kitchen to make myself food, she follows and start putting away dishes. i go to the bed room, she follows and starts puttering around with some laundry. i didn’t want to snap at her, so i said nothing, but it was already getting me a little frustrated.
around noon it was time to go visit houses. so now we were together in the same car, and then together going through houses, and then together talking about what was good, what was bad, etc.
all of this proximity has caused certain annoyances that i previously ignored or disregarded to bubble to the surface of my consciousness once more. whether it be how she drives inattentively with atrocious throttle control, the music she listens to which is simultaneously generic and depressing, the expressions she uses which are either cringe or just nonsense, or any number of otherwise insignificant details all now feel like insurmountable and unignorable irritants.
after all of the house visits were done, k then wanted to go visit j&k and tell them what was going on. i really was not up to it but just went along with it anyways. it was awkward. whatever. it’s done now.
i must remain strong. this is a temporary discomfort which will lead to a greater happiness in the future. picking a fight over this won’t help anything. it will just make things worse. so bite your tongue, smile and nod, choose your words wisely.