the last little while has felt very much like everything is in limbo or stasis. at least for me, nothing is moving in any direction. it’s as though there is a traffic jam.
you know when there is an accident on the highway, but one that happens in such a way that it does not block traffic at all, like when a car slides off the road and into a ditch, or if the force of the accident knocks all involved vehicles onto the shoulder? when those types of accidents happen, the road is clear, yet a traffic jam forms anyways, or more specifically a traffic knot. everyone slows down as they pass the accident to gawk at it. which causes the vehicle behind them to also slow down, which then causes the next one in line to slow down and so on. this traffic ripple can end up going back for miles in some cases, and what makes it worse is that each car that passes the accident slows down again and causes their own ripple or knot.
there’s nothing you can do when this happens, you just need to wait and be patient, and then, even though it makes almost no difference in the grand scheme of things, when it is your turn to pass the accident, don’t slow down, keep going, don’t cause a ripple yourself. or do, for you it doesn’t matter so much anymore, because once you pass the accident, you’re in the clear. so i guess it depends on how selfish or altruistic you are at that point.
i feel like i am in a traffic jam right now. i know what my destination is, i know what i want, i have my bags packed, the car is loaded, i checked that the stove was off and i left some lights on to make it look like someone was still home. i put the coordinates into the gps, i made sure i had a full tank of gas, i checked the oil, tire pressures and windshield washer fluid. i even left a little early… yet i still got stuck in traffic and there is nothing i can do about it.
i would be lying if i said this was not frustrating and that i was not getting impatient, but there is nothing really i can do. unless i decide to break the law and drive on the shoulder, or off in the field next to the highway. if i attempt to do that though, i risk damaging my car even more and possibly not making it to my destination at all.
so i must be patient. i must sit in this traffic and try to make the best of it. i need to listen to some good music, i need to clear my thoughts, i need to observe the world around me and try to learn from it while i am here. i need to rest. i need to take some deep breaths. i’m going to make it eventually, i just need to be patient and wait for the cars ahead of me to pass by this accident.