last night you said something to me and it really upset me. not because what you said was mean or anything like that, but because of how you see things.
i was making myself some tea and you said you’re seeing things in me you never thought you would ever see. you said i remind you of you when you are trying to be healthy.
ok first thing…. how do i even put this in to words? what exactly do you mean by that? did you never think i could possibly want to make my own personal existence better? i mean, i know i put myself on the side for a very long time and only focused on everyone around me, but still… that’s kind of hurtful, no? to say you never thought you would see me give a shit about myself? the assumption that i would forever disregard myself? maybe i am reading too much into this.
secondly though, i remind you of you? what… the… fuck… i’m sorry, but i do not see the comparison, and frankly, i am a little offended.
i’m happy i didn’t say anything and just let this slide though. i can’t permit an argument now… it’s almost time.
today you will sign the papers which signify the start of your independence. i know this will be difficult for you. i’d like to say i wish i could be there for you, but i don’t think i do. not out of malice mind you, but out of a weird twisted kindness of sorts. this is something you need to do without me. if i am there to support you though this, it will be impossible for you to gain the independence you require. you will continue to use me as a crutch, further eroding any goodness left inside of me.
i don’t want you to be sad, i don’t want you to be angry, i don’t want you to scream and cry and yell and punch a hole through the wall, but i know you will, and i think you need to do that to be able to process everything.
it’s going to be ok.