things do not feel so great tonight. i’m trying so hard to keep my chin up, to focus on the positive, to think about the future… it’s not quite so easy though.
i don’t need much, but i do need a little bit. i do need something…
tonight feels like i have less than nothing.
i feel like i give and i give and in return, i get taken for granted. i give and i give and then i get asked for more. i give and i give and then i get ignored.
woe is me, i know. i’m sure i am seeing this without considering the efforts someone, somewhere has made towards reciprocity or even the efforts made for my sole benefit. i can’t help that. if i don’t see it, how can i consider it? faith? foolishness? naivety?
so what can i learn from this? what is the lesson here? should i be entirely self sufficient when it comes to my happiness? pardon my french, but that’s a load of shit. we’re social animals. our brains are literally wired for it. affection, companionship, understanding, comfort, love… all of those things are needs. and all of those things require another person.
what i wouldn’t give to be able to hold a hand right now.