lots of changes this year…
- i set a goal to lose some weight. at the time, i weight 267 lbs. my goal was 225 by end of year. last week i got to 227, but with christmas feasts, apple pies and other sweets, as of this morning i am 232. if i am grading with a pass/fail scheme, then this is unfortunately a FAIL.
- i resolved myself to kick nicotine entirely. i had been waning myself for years, cigs have been gone for a long time, but things like vapes were still around. i wanted that shit gone. this is serious. and i am happy to say, i have been completely nicotine free for several months. no turning back! this is way more difficult than i had anticipated… in the process i learned a lot about myself actually, and i learned to trust myself a lot less than one might expect, more on that some other time. PASS
- i decided to be more active. i started walking every single day, and when it got too cold for that, i bought a rowing machine and have been doing that every single day. it’s hard work and sometimes i am REALLY not motivated, but i do it anyways and will continue to do so because it is important and makes me feel better. PASS
- i needed to talk to someone, therapy seems to be popular answer to this. so i tried it, despite my skepticism. to be honest, i am still not convinced. but i have stuck with it for several months now and i am not going to give up on it just yet. i guess it can be helpful in some ways…. anyhow, PASS.
- i wanted new friends. friends which were not connected to my current circle. i re-established a connection with k8, which at first felt very successful, though recently has felt a little less so. i hope it is just a temporary lull. i also sought out and made 3 new friends through reddit. c, you called me your bestie yesterday. i liked that and i think we could really become that. j, you were unexpected, we were on parallel tracks until your train fell completely off the rails. i wasn’t sure how that was going to work, but so far so good. i am happy we met! and then last but not least, a. holy shit, a, you have really captured my heart and my mind. i don’t remember the last time i felt a connection with someone like i have with you. you have become so special and so important to me, no matter what the future holds, i want you to be part of it. PASS
- i recognized earlier this year that i was miserable, and had been for a long while. there were several contributing factors to that (see above points) but there was one in particular which overshadowed everything. when it comes to love, as in romantic, passionate love, i have a giant, gaping hole in my chest. k and i simply were not good for each other like that. we’re good together in many other ways, but being roommates just isn’t enough. the built up resentment and frustration that has accumulated over the years has simply become insurmountable at this point and before things completely overflowed and go ugly, i made the decision that i would rather end things now and try to remain on good, amicable terms. this is still in progress, but it seems to be progressing well enough. i think it merits a passing grade for this year, but the real test will be next year. so for now, PASS.